Forgiveness

I'm reading an article about Cultural Trauma and Loss. One section talks about Liberian child soldiers ranging from 6 to 20 years of age. The children reported the reason for why they became soldiers: revenge, necessity, seeking belonging, and peer pressure. During the study the children said to the researchers, "Talk to us because we did so many ugly things".

Its easy for me to empathize with a child and why he might become a soldier... he's so young, impressionable, and vulnerable. I find it much more difficult, however, to find forgiveness for the adult(s) who taught those young ones how to hold a gun and kill members of their own communities, other children just like their own brothers and sisters.

Where is justice in forgiveness?

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "How many times should I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times."

It gets a little harder to consider forgiveness when thinking about a perpetrator. But then I think, maybe they have been a "child soldier" too, someone who's experienced an intense amount of trauma in their own life. Although most people who experience some type of abuse do not go on to abuse other people, most people who abuse others have been abused themselves. So it makes me think, maybe they are like "child soldiers" with adult skin. Still scared, traumatized, and unaware of what true happiness feels like.

I'm not sure that they really actually deserve forgiveness, but I do know that healing comes through forgiveness. Maybe not at first, but after the pain subsides a bit. It does not mean forgetting the wrong doing or offering no consequence. But it does mean that you get a little bit of freedom back. Freedom from bondage, from guilt, from shame.

At some time we will all feel like saying, "Talk to [me] because [I]'ve done so many ugly things". Talk to me so that I feel some sense of normalcy. Smile at me so that I can believe in something good. Hug me so that I can feel close to something. A little bit of forgiveness can go a long way.

Happy Birthday to my Husband

Thursday is Kevin's birthday. So I'd like to take a minute to celebrate him. There are many reasons for why I love this man but here are just a few:

His concern for the welfare of others.
That little things make him happy... like my meatloaf
His ability to make me laugh
His creativity in his work and in life
His appreciation for life and people
His ability to love others by merely listening
His dimple
His desire to be honest even when its really hard
The way he motivates me to do things that I never thought I could do
His compassion and steady faith

Seriously... how lucky am I? Happy Birthday babe. I love you.

My first day

So today was my first day at my new internship.

I am in my second year of my Masters program in Social Work. After working with families at Head Start and a community mental health center, I realized that I was in a great position to help people but didn't have a lot of knowledge to do so. You know, the kind of knowledge where you can confidently assure yourself that you have an approach or a theory to back up what it is that you are doing (like it ever really happens that way, but go with it). Thus, I made the decision to plunge back into the life of a student.

Although I've been a student before, this time around I have had many "new experiences". First of these, is a change in sleep. I love sleep. Kevin calls it a gift. I have an ability to fall asleep anytime, anywhere and passionately enjoy every moment. This last year however, things have changed. I have actually joined more than half of the nation in experiencing sleepless or partially sleepless nights.

Some of the others include:
Anxiety. I've never been an anxious person but this year I'm pretty experienced in the area.

Not having weekends due to paper writing or textbook reading.

Public speaking.... hate, hate, hate! I once heard that more people are afraid of public speaking than death, count me in.

But seriously, the most significant and new experience for me has been to dive into situations not knowing what I'm doing but allowing my whole heart to be present.

Today I got to go on a home visit to the house of a foster mom. I got to laugh with and make faces with a 13 month old who lived most of her life on a dirty motel room floor. Her life thus far has held more painful experiences than any one person should experience in their lifetime. But here's the cool thing. She is happy now. She is in a loving about-to-adopt home and she is smiling. She just learned to walk. She'd fall and bump her little head, cry it off, and then come back out smiling. What a resilient little girl.

Somehow now my problems seem so small. I will give many more sleepless nights to see little ones sleep in a clean bed. I will endure anxiety to see little ones eat three meals a day. I will endure public speaking to be able to see little ones laugh. I have a feeling this year is going to be full of all of those "new experiences" but nothing, nothing will compare to being able to watch lives go from ashes to beauty.

Matthew 18:2-5
He called a little child and had him stand among them. And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me."

P.S. The picture is taken by my husband, Kevin at a Christmas party for some of Aurora's finest kids.

True Worship

I recently heard a great message on worship at our church that caused me to further analyze my life:

"Praise and Worship"

What is the meaning of worship and what are churches really supposed to look like? And I don't mean the order of the service or what type of music played, but what should the lives of the people look like? Furthermore, when those who don't associate themselves with the church, look at the church, what do they think its all about?

James 1:27 says,

Religion (or worship) that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

It seems that God's desire is for the church to be pure and faultless by offering love and kindness, by helping to relieve the pains of those in need and live above it all. There's a great song by Building 429 that says, "Lift me up above it all, I'm feeling broken and alone. Don't let me turn to stone, lift me up above it all. Because I've lost my hope tonight and I'm praying for the strength to carry on. Lord would you lift me above it all?"

Life is difficult, but we can live above the problems of today. Living above it all, or not being polluted by the world does not mean not associating with those who are different. But I think it means to live for a purpose, a righteous and good purpose, living so that life's insignificant, or sometimes significant problems don't overwhelm our lives.

Does the church reflect this type of worship? Are we living in reverence to a loving God?

I know that God's greatest desire is for me to love him and to love others. My worship should look so much more like what is described in James 1:27. You see, my true worship and reverence towards God is shown in the way in which I live my life.

True Religion is to look after orphans and widows and live above it all.

The Butterfly Circus

If you have twenty minutes, and I hope you do, watch this video about life and beauty. Amazing. It makes me think about metal being refined in the fire.


Watch the Video Here


"At the height of the Great Depression, the showman of a renowned circus leads his troupe through the devastated American landscape, lifting the spirits of audiences along the way. During their travels they discover a man without limbs at a carnival sideshow, but after an intriguing encounter with the showman he becomes driven to hope against everything he has ever believed."

Never done something like this

So I don't know what will come of this blog, nor do I know that I have anything all that important to say. But I've recently been reading blogs of others and have been struck by the amazing opportunity that they offer to bring our thoughts together. Its pretty great.

I hope for this blog to merge two of my passions, Faith and Social Work:

Faith, being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see

Social Work, the pursuit of social justice

I know that these next few years will bring many new experiences in my life and I would love to share their impact. And maybe we can talk about life, living, happiness, and how sometimes its just hard to breathe. We'll see...