Its Important

Kevin and I recently went through a personal hardship that has been pretty heavy on our hearts. We've been sitting in something, knowing that we don't deserve it and knowing that its not fair. We've had a few people say things like "its actually quite common" and then provide statistics which are somehow supposed to make us feel better. I've even tried to convince myself that it really is not that big of a deal and it will all be okay.

We went to church last weekend and our pastor talked about the first miracle that Jesus performed: turning water into wine. Jesus was in attendance at the wedding of a couple whose names didn't make it into the bible, meaning they likely were not royalty or holding some sort of great power. Even so, he chose to, as his first miraculous way of meeting a need, turn water into wine when their supply ran dry. This couple, who likely felt embarrassed that their "lowly" status became even more obvious to their guests, had a hardship. I'm sure that Jesus thought very carefully through this first act that would set him apart from all other people. Jesus chose to meet this need, when comparatively could have done anything. Maybe moved a mountain. Cured an illness. But he chose this.

The fact is, it's not okay. Its really not okay. And this is our big deal.
So I'm learning, my hardship is important.

Happy Easter

*Photo by Kevin
While driving to work yesterday I was listening to a song that my dad and I sang at my great aunt’s funeral. It goes like this:

There's a peace I've come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There's an anchor for my soul
I can say "It is well"

Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead

And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise, I will rise

And I hear the voice of many angels sing,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
And I hear the cry of every longing heart,
"Worthy is the Lamb"

I started singing along with the radio as I might have the day of the funeral. But as the song approached “And I hear the voice of many angels sing…” I was overwhelmed to tears. Maybe it was because it was the significance of Good Friday, or maybe I was just extra emotional. All I know is it gives me so much hope to know that when there is pain, someday we will be celebrating along with the angels and the Creator.

Happy Easter.

Ignorance Is Bliss

*Photo by Kevin


Ignorance is bliss. Isn't it? I used to fight ignorance. The more I knew, the less uninformed I could be and the less opportunity to turn a blind eye. I'm beginning to feel these days, I mean really feel, how much easier it is for my heart and general sanity, to remain untouched by the wrongs in the world. After all isn't this why we choose to watch The Bachelor instead of the news? I'm not pointing fingers here. I DO this.

I've been working for a year and half in a field where people lie to me, a lot. The fact that they lie to me can often mean that they are fighting, the only way they know how, for the ones they love. After some time, however, this becomes tiresome on my inner most parts, on my soul. I really love people. Like one of my favorite things to do is be with people who I love, my husband, my family, my good friends. And I really trust them. I have no reason to question their intentions or their desire to be honest with me. There are, however, a lot of people in my life who are not this for me. I'm finding that because I know that people lie, and in particular, to me, I've started questioning people's general reasons to do what they do. I question a person's intentions, I question their truthfulness, and I question my ability to be trusted. Ugh. Sitting in this feels awful. So I have to move on...

I'm learning that I have to trust in what I know. I cannot take any responsibility for those who aren't honest. All I know is that each day, I wake up because God intended for that to happen. I get ready in the morning preparing myself physically and emotionally for a pretty long and generally hard day. I pray in the car ride over that God will give me strength that I know I don't have. I get to work and work, as best as I know how, with as much energy as I am able and with as much respect and love for others as possible. I go home and I love my husband, who was made for me (and may I add, what a good match that has been for my soul).

And then reflect.

What did I do with my day that was purposeful and filled with love, grace, and compassion? At the end of the day, I need to know that somehow I made a difference, whether it was eventful or mundane, filled with "are you kidding me? did that just happen?" moments or "wow, I'm getting no where" moments. I can know that I have purpose because I'm living for the One who can fulfill all needs.

Ignorance sure is bliss, kind of. Life really is not life if you are not living in reality. Right???

Its Christmas

It’s Christmas. One of the parts about Christmas that is inspiring to me is that people seem to be a bit more generous. Food banks are more fully stocked, shelters have people serving food, and families receive gifts from others who can supply them. It’s consistently the one time of year that people are more apt to spread tidings of comfort and joy. It reminds me of why we celebrate. Over 2,000 years ago, as a way to honor his arrival on earth, a group of foreign kings brought a sweet baby gifts. His name was Jesus.

Most would not argue that Jesus was born, grew up to become a carpenter, and then died in his 30s an excruciating death. What is argued, is if this man was God. Although this is the pivotal point in whether or not one would identify as a Christian, I love that no matter our belief, Jesus did some pretty sweet stuff during his life on this earth in meeting the physical, emotional, and spiritual needs of others. Here’s one of my favorite stories.

Jesus went to the Mount of Olives, a mountain ridge in east Jerusalem. While in the temple courts teaching, a group of religious men walked in with a woman who they caught having sex with someone who was not her husband. The man they did not bring in. The religious men stood her up in front of Jesus and all others present so that she could be cast away and stoned.

Jesus, seeing the pain on her face, bent down to the ground and wrote in the dirt with his finger. It is unknown what it is that he wrote. One theory: maybe he wrote the sins of those standing there: murder, gossip, greed, pride. Then he said to them, any one of you who has never done something you regret, never missed the mark, or never made a mistake that you wish you could take back, you stay. Stay and throw the first stone. He began writing on the ground again. Rage, lying, jealousy.

One at a time, the oldest first and the youngest next, walked away. Until Jesus and the woman stood side by side.

Jesus asked her, “Has no one condemned you?”
“No one, sir”
“Then neither do I condemn you. Go now and leave your life of sin.”

When others had reason by law to chastise this woman, Jesus offered grace and provision. "Go", be free, but make some changes so that you will live life abundantly. One where your joy will increase and where you will be who you were created to be, God's daughter, whom he picked since the beginning of time.

Kibera Jewelry

I wrote a post a while back about one of my experiences in Kenya from almost a year ago. Since this post: Kibera I have connected with Michael Nyangi, the founder of Lomoro Microfinance Institution (MFI) in Kibera. With the help of my husband, my mother, and several everyday models, a catalog has been developed to help expand the Kibera residents' market to sell jewelry pieces. If you would like to help benefit families in one of the largest slums in the world, please view the catalog. Info about how to order is at the end. You can also email KiberaJewelryInfo@gmail.com for any questions.

View Catalog below:

Kibera Jewelry Catalog

Today

Right now my husband is sleeping in Iowa in his car on his way back from a two week long photo road trip. What has been unbelievable and slightly ironic about being separated from him for two weeks is that I've been inspired by who he is and his giftedness. Along his road trip, he has taken the opportunity to document people's lives with his photography.

Here's his latest post about his grandmother:
Trudy

When I called the doctor for some reason or another, after [Wally] had passed on about six months, he said,

“Trudy, I asked your husband to come in for tests, I wanted to do a biopsy on him, and he told me he didn’t have time.”

Living for today seems to have more meaning after experiencing some of that moment Kevin had with his grandmother. It is my prayer for you and for me that Today will be divinely motivated.

No longer forward nor behind
I look in hope and fear;
But, grateful, take in the good I find,
The best of now and here.
~ John G. Whittier

At this moment

At this moment, I am incredibly thankful for the opportunities that have been offered me. At this moment, I am a little scared of what's to come. At this moment, I'm here.

I feel a bit nostalgic thinking on the last couple of years. They've been some of the hardest I've experienced for a number of reasons. Yet, I think because of that, I've learned a lot about myself and others.

I've learned that its always just a little more complicated than it may look on the surface... for the 8th grader who bullies; for the 8th grader who's bullied; about the complexities of being a foster/adoptive parent in our system; about the complexities of being a biological parent in our system; about the complexities and impacts of adoption, domestic and international; and about people - we are always way more complicated than it may look on the surface and I for one, need to offer more grace and forgiveness.

Life is actually really hard. I've learned that each day is new, one with opportunities or obstacles. And many times those can be interchanged simply by my mood and desire.

My husband will love me no matter what. These last two years have been hard on my friendships and my relationship with my husband. We haven't had a lot of time together, yet, he has been the biggest supporter of me. Spending more time with him is one of my most favorite reasons why graduation is going to be so much sweeter in a week.

I can actually do this. I've been given gifts and talents that are purposed for serving others. Despite my insecurities and feelings of not believing that I can change the world in some small way, I can. "And now to him who can keep you on your feet, standing tall in his bright presence, fresh and celebrating... be glory, majesty, strength..". I believe God will keep me upright, on my feet, even when it feels like I might be navigating with blind eyes. I'll have a guide.

People, even the ones who may do things that I may never understand, are all hurting, growing, and worthy of a second chance. I know that sounds a bit idealistic, but I feel it to be true. I've met a mother this last year who was struggling to provide adequately for herself and her children. She did something that resulted in her children being removed from her care. 6 months later, she's getting her life together and is getting healthy for her kids. What if she wasn't given that opportunity? What if people looked at her as if she were worth nothing more than the things she's done and never gave her an opportunity to change? Then we'd have a lot of people walking around who had nothing to live for.

Let me tell you, words cannot express how happy I am that these two years are done. That I'm graduating and can go out and do what I love to do. Despite my sheer joy that I never have to write another paper about trauma or complete a case plan for a "fake" family, I am utterly thankful for my experiences in grad school, even the bad ones. Never thought I'd say that but it's true.

Congratulations to all the wonderful people I have met these past two years who have dedicated themselves to others. I'm so thankful to have met all of you and wish you many blessings!