At this moment

At this moment, I am incredibly thankful for the opportunities that have been offered me. At this moment, I am a little scared of what's to come. At this moment, I'm here.

I feel a bit nostalgic thinking on the last couple of years. They've been some of the hardest I've experienced for a number of reasons. Yet, I think because of that, I've learned a lot about myself and others.

I've learned that its always just a little more complicated than it may look on the surface... for the 8th grader who bullies; for the 8th grader who's bullied; about the complexities of being a foster/adoptive parent in our system; about the complexities of being a biological parent in our system; about the complexities and impacts of adoption, domestic and international; and about people - we are always way more complicated than it may look on the surface and I for one, need to offer more grace and forgiveness.

Life is actually really hard. I've learned that each day is new, one with opportunities or obstacles. And many times those can be interchanged simply by my mood and desire.

My husband will love me no matter what. These last two years have been hard on my friendships and my relationship with my husband. We haven't had a lot of time together, yet, he has been the biggest supporter of me. Spending more time with him is one of my most favorite reasons why graduation is going to be so much sweeter in a week.

I can actually do this. I've been given gifts and talents that are purposed for serving others. Despite my insecurities and feelings of not believing that I can change the world in some small way, I can. "And now to him who can keep you on your feet, standing tall in his bright presence, fresh and celebrating... be glory, majesty, strength..". I believe God will keep me upright, on my feet, even when it feels like I might be navigating with blind eyes. I'll have a guide.

People, even the ones who may do things that I may never understand, are all hurting, growing, and worthy of a second chance. I know that sounds a bit idealistic, but I feel it to be true. I've met a mother this last year who was struggling to provide adequately for herself and her children. She did something that resulted in her children being removed from her care. 6 months later, she's getting her life together and is getting healthy for her kids. What if she wasn't given that opportunity? What if people looked at her as if she were worth nothing more than the things she's done and never gave her an opportunity to change? Then we'd have a lot of people walking around who had nothing to live for.

Let me tell you, words cannot express how happy I am that these two years are done. That I'm graduating and can go out and do what I love to do. Despite my sheer joy that I never have to write another paper about trauma or complete a case plan for a "fake" family, I am utterly thankful for my experiences in grad school, even the bad ones. Never thought I'd say that but it's true.

Congratulations to all the wonderful people I have met these past two years who have dedicated themselves to others. I'm so thankful to have met all of you and wish you many blessings!

A weekend full of emotion

This weekend is special for me. Not just because I get to hangout with family & friends, dye Easter eggs, and wear a pretty dress, but because it has meaning, significance, and an authenticity that reminds me about why I choose to value what I do.

To some, faith, true all-encompassing faith, sounds quite ridiculous or maybe even intellectually deficient. To me, believing that God has meaning and significance in my life, that he has provided purpose and motivation, and that he would offer grace, love, and forgiveness, is simply the most important thing I will ever know or feel.

Tomorrow, we will celebrate the life of a man who above all else, saw people for who they could be, for who they were made to be, and for who they would someday be. We celebrate the life of a man, who being in very nature God, offered hope for a better future. One where there will be no more pain, anxiety, depression, guilt, wrong-doing, inequity, or weeping.

There is a song that an amazing song writer (Randy Pearce) wrote that seems to sum up this man. Some of the lyrics are below:

Listen here

Come and see, what he has done for us.
Giving hope and peace where there was none.
Taking off, the chains of yesterday.
The past behind, embrace a brand new day.

Thanks be to Him who knows all, is in all, and understands all.

If you are interested in attending an Easter Service this weekend stop by at Flatirons Church in Lafayette.

Thoughts on December 11th in Kenya

Day 10: Friday, December 11th, 2009

•Begin to build a house for a needy community member, selected by the community themselves
•Participate in buying of the baskets and financial training

I was fortunate today to be able to participate in building a house for a widow in the Kasigau community. Together, with the community, we hauled bricks and trekked up part of a mountain to fetch rocks for the house’s foundation. Others walked down the road and through bush to fetch sand. And others made bricks using the brick machine. While completing these laborious tasks, I couldn’t help but think of how creative this community must be in order to survive. They truly live off only the resources found around them, as all products used in the making of the house are within walking distance or else not utilized.

This idea is very different than the consumption and commercial practices in the U.S. Much of what is used in daily life is imported from other countries or other parts of the country. It is rare that we use products from our own backyards. Consequently, this has made me quite frivolous in my own consumption. I take a longer shower if I’ve had a long day. I eat a snack simply because it’s available. I use paper products more than I should. Why? Because I don’t have to see where the trash goes; I put it in my garbage on Thursday evenings and when I come home Friday, it’s gone.

Natural resources are of great significance in Africa and a large part of a great author, Wangari Maathai’s, discussion. Africa has many resources, many of which they themselves cannot use because of a lack of education or financial resource. Additionally, Africa has relied extensively on raw materials in their trade which little is paid. She speaks of an Ethiopian economist Fantu Cheru:

“Africa has failed to capitalize successfully on the natural resources that have always been so evident to the rich world. He points a finger at a number of problems: lack of political will, weak institutions, a shortage of skills, too many ties to former colonial powers, and inadequate infrastructure, transport, and communication networks.”

How this affects rural communities:

“… the money brought to rural areas through the sale of commodities such as cash crops is then siphoned back to the towns where the consumer goods are transported from, and eventually repatriated to the countries that produce them. Even most of the industries that are located in Kenya – tourism, and the growing of flowers, coffee, and tea – are largely owned by foreign companies.”

[side note: I had to look up the meaning of repatriated and although you probably know its meaning, I'll share it with you: to send back to one's own country]

The siphoning of money back to the cities and outside owners often leaves rural communities with little economic gain. The community in Kasigau has a solution to this issue. The women in the community have begun making kiondos (baskets) as a means to economic sustainability. Starting with a native plant, Sisal, and using resources from outside their own community only minimally, the women in the community are able to creatively generate income for their families (when interviewed, all of the women said that they would use the profits from the baskets to help pay for school fees for their children).

This evening we set aside baskets to bring home to sell for the women. Although, a slightly confusing practice, as business practices between our group and the community differed, the women set aside 100 baskets for our group to bring home and sell. Additionally, each group member bought several baskets during our stay.

I hope great things for the women of Kasigau. Their artistic and beautiful baskets are symbolic of their creativity and strong spirits.

Since this entry, I have been blown away at the willingness and compassion evident within people to help fulfill the needs of others. With the help of those willing to purchase kiondos in the US, over $2,000 of profit was created for these women.

*Mom, you are amazing. Thank you for all of your help in this. You've shown an incredible desire and ability to help create change on behalf of this community, thank you.

What this really means is that 68 children will be able to attend primary school for one term (3 months). Or 17 children will be able to attend school for a full year.

Pretty incredible. These women, for the most part on their own, have been able to create a uniquely, well-crafted, and desired product that can help build a future for their children. This future will include the fulfillment of needs, less sickness and disease, and further sustainability in many areas for this community. I find great joy in the fact that this product, this business, is something that these women have created themselves, and with a little help along the way, they, themselves are creating a better future for their families. With an education, these children will be able to read and can then get a higher paying job. One that will lead to greater quality of life, less fear, and more equity.

These women are exceptional. I hope and pray that this will create life change for these women and their families.


Video on Kasigau Basket Weavers - created by MaryBeth Caudle-Brooks, a student on the trip

In response to Haiti - Overcoming

I have been having a really difficult time in response to Haiti. I know that this moves beyond only my reaction in that it has left the world speechless. But I can't come to terms with what happened, can't understand why this happened, or see what purpose it serves. Why, when in all his power, would God who has the ability to spare 200,000 peoples' lives, not do it?

It doesn't make sense, still makes me cry, and still leaves me feeling a bit hopeless.

In the midst of this, I had an email conversation with a dear friend about this. This is what she had to offer:

"...I guess I just don't try to understand it. Because, really, we never will. I will say one thing, out of tragedy comes the best stories of love and humanity and compassion. I mean, really, things that most cynical people (like myself, sad to say) would NEVER in a zillion years think of happening are taking place right this very second out of the goodness of people's hearts. I heard something on NPR about how the financial donations have been record breaking from the US and the rest of the world. Something so terrible and seemingly 'pointlessly tragic' really brings something beautiful out of people. Maybe that's God's point in all of this. Like that idea that God creates your testimony out of what you've overcome and the more you overcome with Him, the more incredible His work is shown to be?"

I love that, "The more you overcome with Him, the more incredible His work is shown to be."

I probably won't ever understand what's happened in Haiti and I still might be frustrated with God who has let it happen, but I know that right now beauty is shining through this mess. I know that people are calling out for help and others are responding. I'm so humbled by the response to this crisis and am even more humbled by the way in which the people who have experienced this crisis have responded.

God has a different perspective, one which I might not ever be privy to in this life. His ways are a whole lot bigger...

Job 4:5-7
"But now trouble comes to you, and you are discouraged; it strikes you, and you are dismayed. Should not your piety be your confidence and your blameless ways your hope? Consider now: Who, being innocent, has ever perished? Where were the upright ever destroyed?"

God has not turned his face away from Haiti, the innocent will never perish. It's all pretty hard to understand but I know that watching those who are overcoming is one of the greatest honors and most beautiful artwork I will ever see.

Haiti

Yesterday, Haiti, the poorest country in the Western hemisphere, was hit with the largest earthquake seen in years.

Why them?

Even before the earthquake, this country had an unstable infrastructure with many living in poverty, half of these children.

Lord, I don't understand but I know that I have to pray. I pray for the children who can't find their families. I pray for those who are suffering and don't have enough strength to pull themselves out of the rubble. I pray for an absolutely devastated country. Why them, Lord?

Donate to the Red Cross

Thursday, Day 2

I will forever remember what I saw and how it made me feel...


A picture of Kibera, a slum that houses 1.5 million people within a 1 mile radius.


Children we met in the slum who were singing, "God blessed us for bringing you to us".


A little dog I saw walking in the slum. He was searching for food but it seemed inevitable that he would not find any.


Journal Entry: Day 2: Thursday, December 3, 2009

I don’t really know where to start…

At times this evening, I have been unable to breathe in response to experiencing Kibera, the 2nd largest slum in Africa.

Kibera houses 1.5 million people and does not discriminate on what type of people live within it. People of all ages, tribes, and walks of life have spent generations living in the very vicious cycle of poverty. Kibera accounts for less than 1 percent of Nairobi’s land but holds more than a quarter of its population. This slum was a piece of land that was given to Nubian solders (originally a tribe from Sudan) as a reward for fighting with the British in World War I. Since then, other tribes have moved in and have rented the land from the Nubian landlords. After Kenya became independent in 1963, the government enacted into legislation for Kibera to become an unauthorized settlement. Therefore, there are no basic services, schools, clinics, running water or bathrooms that are publicly provided by the government. Consequently, people are living in absolutely dire circumstances with little resources to recover.

While walking through Kibera, I looked at most everyone in the eye. Some offered a small smile, some said “Jambo”, and others quickly looked away. I couldn't help but think what it was that they were thinking about me as I walked through their neighborhood with two shoes that fit and matched. With a hood over my head to protect myself from the rain. With White skin that automatically set me apart offering reminders of those who had colonized their land. While sitting with my thoughts, I heard children singing and my heart warmed. They were singing, “God blessed us for bringing you to us” as we walked by and as they clapped and danced. I danced with them for a moment and they laughed.

As we continued to walk through the incredibly muddy streets, we visited a jewelry making shop. They welcomed us with sincerity and smiles.

The streets were so muddy as it had been raining all day. Consequently, our shoes were covered in mud and the feces that had been thrown in the streets. As we returned home to the Kifaru House, two men, who I believe were the security guards, took our shoes and began cleaning them. I didn’t ask them to clean poop off my shoes but they did it without asking for anything in return. The kitchen staff did not have our dinner ready at the scheduled time. They apologized profusely when dinner came out 20 minutes late and treated us like we were kings in queens.

All of these experiences left me feeling incredibly humbled. It reminds me of the story of Jesus washing his disciple’s feet: taking on the role of a servant. As I write, I continue to be absolutely overwhelmed by the humility and compassion that the people I met possess. I feel like they have been cheated and realize that life can be so unfair.

These people who have, physically speaking, so little, treated me like the most important person. I saw more genuine smiles today, than I have seen in a while. The sweet voices of the children and their playfulness despite the effects of intense poverty, showed amazing resiliency. The men who so graciously welcomed us into their jewelry shop offered me compassion. The men who cleaned our mud soaked shoes exhibited much humility. And our cooking staff showed incredible hospitality. These people are simply amazing. How can I ever offer to others, what these people have offered me?

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There is an non-profit that is housed in the slum that offers micro loans to residents who would like to start a business. The non-profit loaned the jewelry making shop, mentioned earlier, a micro loan in which they have paid off and are now making profit. The jewelry makers create beautiful pieces from wood, stone, beads, and recycled animals bones. I'm still trying to find the best website to give out for people to place orders for the jewelry. Its a little more complicated than I thought but we'll figure it out.

Habari Yako - Hello , How are you?

I'm back from Kenya and am finding it very hard to put into words what I have experienced. I have been changed and I see the world just a bit differently. It seems the best that I can do to describe this trip and my experience on it, would be to share some of my journal entries.

Class 4: Monday, November 23, 2009

This afternoon was the last class before the trip. In between this class and the last one, I began to feel concerned that I am not at all prepared for this trip; not emotionally, spiritually, physically or cognitively. I have not bought any supplies, I have not sat with my thoughts, I have not prepared myself for what it is that I might see, and I have not researched nearly as much as I should about this country.

On the other hand, this is an experiential learning course, so maybe some of my anxieties about this are a little unwarranted as most of my learning will take place while in Kenya. Maybe I will always feel unprepared for trips like these, like I can always use more information. I suppose that this has been common in my work, this feeling of always wanting to know more or that I don’t know enough.

Also, something that has been on my mind is my role on this trip. Who will I connect with, what specific part of the trip will I be most interested in, essentially… what will be my specialty? It takes me a little bit of time to truly feel comfortable with new people, especially in groups. On this trip, I will be with a group probably 95% of the time. Even when I sleep, I will be sleeping next to someone that I don’t really even know. My hope, however, is that I can overcome feelings of being uncomfortable, challenge myself, and be an integral part of the team.

Here are some of the other concerns that I have been thinking about:

· Safety – according to the travel.gov website there has been some recent kidnappings of tourists for ransom.
· Will I be able to connect with team members on a deep level and will there be mutual learning from all team members?
· Will I have the ability to truly connect with the people in Kenya despite the language difficulties?
· I've wanted to go to Africa for a few years now and have wanted to be involved in international social work. My hope is that this trip will offer some insight into what kind of work I want to do, and offer a foundation for continued opportunities in Africa
· Lastly, I want this trip to impact me after I leave. Will it change my life’s paradigm and change the way I behave? I hope that I come out of this a little bit more knowledgeable, with more empathy, and with more compassion.

Okay… here we go....

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In reading back on this entry, it amazes me to think that all of my concerns were well taken care of of. Thank you to those who prayed for me and continued to keep me and the team in their thoughts.

My concerns were accounted for: We stayed safe. I was able to connect with team members on a very meaningful level, one of my highlights of the trip. I was able to form connections with community members and members of the African Network for Animal Welfare on a level that far exceeded any expectation... what a truly amazing people. I brought a Swahili book with me in which I used to continually challenge my language ability. I didn't learn a ton but learned enough to be able to connect with people. This trip most definitely laid a foundation for my international travel and work. I still don't know what that might look like, but I know this was the beginning.

Lastly, this trip absolutely changed my life's paradigm. I will be taking shorter showers, using less water, using more reusable items, being WAY more careful about using plastic bags, and will eat when I'm hungry and not because I can. I saw how these things effect others.

I hope that I never forget what I experienced on this trip. I know that my high will die down and that I will go back to normal life. I pray that I will not forget Africa when I go back to class, when I go back to work, and when I go back to my daily living. What a beautiful place. What a beautiful people.

More pictures and thoughts to come...